There’s a story about a security guard at a Russian factory. One day this guard stopped a worker who was walking out of the factory gates pushing a wheelbarrow with a suspicious looking package in it. The guard opened the package up and found it contained nothing but some sawdust and floor-sweepings.
The next day he stopped the same worker who was again pushing a wheelbarrow containing a suspicious looking package. Once more it contained nothing but some sawdust and floor-sweepings.
The same thing happened many days on the trot, until the guard finally said, "OK, I give up. I know you are up to something, but I just can’t tell what. Please, I promise not to arrest you, but put me out of my misery - tell me what you are stealing."
The worker smiled, "I’m stealing wheelbarrows."
28 September 2010
21 September 2010
Ham
A young woman was preparing a ham dinner. After she cut off the end of the ham, she placed it in a pan for baking. Her friend asked her,"Why did you cut off the end of the ham"?
And she replied ,"I really don't know but my mother always did, so I thought you were supposed to."
Later when talking to her mother she asked her why she cut off the end of the ham before baking it, and her mother replied, "I really don't know, but that's the way my mum always did it."
A few weeks later while visiting her grandmother, the young woman asked, "Grandma, why is it that you cut off the end of a ham before you bake it?"
Her grandmother replied ,"Well dear, it would never fit into my baking pan."
And she replied ,"I really don't know but my mother always did, so I thought you were supposed to."
Later when talking to her mother she asked her why she cut off the end of the ham before baking it, and her mother replied, "I really don't know, but that's the way my mum always did it."
A few weeks later while visiting her grandmother, the young woman asked, "Grandma, why is it that you cut off the end of a ham before you bake it?"
Her grandmother replied ,"Well dear, it would never fit into my baking pan."
14 September 2010
B &Q
Geoff, a newly retired employee at the local B&Q store, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10 or 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean shaven, sharp minded and a real credit to the company, obviously epitomising their 'Older Person Friendly' policies.
One day the boss called him into the office for a chat. "Geoff, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a great job, but your arriving a few minutes late so often is becoming quite a problem."
"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it. "Well good, you are a team player and I like to hear that members of our team can recognise their shortcomings and tackle them. It does however seem odd to me that you come in late so very often when I know you recently retired from the armed forces. What did they say if you came in late there?"
"They would say, 'Good morning Admiral, would you like some coffee now, sir?'."
One day the boss called him into the office for a chat. "Geoff, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a great job, but your arriving a few minutes late so often is becoming quite a problem."
"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it. "Well good, you are a team player and I like to hear that members of our team can recognise their shortcomings and tackle them. It does however seem odd to me that you come in late so very often when I know you recently retired from the armed forces. What did they say if you came in late there?"
"They would say, 'Good morning Admiral, would you like some coffee now, sir?'."
7 September 2010
The millionaire
A contestant on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" had reached the final plateau If she answered the next question correctly, she would win £1,000,000. If she Answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the £32,000 milestone money.
And as she suspected it would be, the million-pound question was no pushover. It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, But instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it A) the Condor; B) the buzzard; C) the cuckoo; or D) the vulture?"
The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was doubly on The spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Ask the Audience Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline. The woman hoped She would not have to use it because ... Her friend was, well blonde.
She had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the Four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer Is C: The cuckoo."
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered Employing a reverse strategy and giving Chris any answer except the one that her Friend had given her. And considering that her friend was a blonde, that would Seem to be the logical thing to do.
On the other hand - the blonde had responded with such confidence, such Certitude, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded.
"I need an answer," said Chris.
Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo."
"Is that your final answer?" asked Chris.
"Yes, that is my final answer."
Two minutes later, Chris said, "That answer is . Absolutely correct!!
You are now a millionaire!"
Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends Including the blonde who had helped her win the million pounds.
"Jenny, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant. "How did you happen to know the right answer?"
"Oh, come on," said the blonde "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks."
And as she suspected it would be, the million-pound question was no pushover. It was, "Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, But instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds? Is it A) the Condor; B) the buzzard; C) the cuckoo; or D) the vulture?"
The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was doubly on The spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Ask the Audience Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline. The woman hoped She would not have to use it because ... Her friend was, well blonde.
She had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the Four choices. The blonde responded unhesitatingly: "That's easy. The answer Is C: The cuckoo."
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered Employing a reverse strategy and giving Chris any answer except the one that her Friend had given her. And considering that her friend was a blonde, that would Seem to be the logical thing to do.
On the other hand - the blonde had responded with such confidence, such Certitude, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded.
"I need an answer," said Chris.
Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, "C: The cuckoo."
"Is that your final answer?" asked Chris.
"Yes, that is my final answer."
Two minutes later, Chris said, "That answer is . Absolutely correct!!
You are now a millionaire!"
Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends Including the blonde who had helped her win the million pounds.
"Jenny, I just do not know how to thank you," said the contestant. "How did you happen to know the right answer?"
"Oh, come on," said the blonde "Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build nests. They live in clocks."
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