St. Peter stood at the Pearly Gates, waiting for the incoming. He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention. "Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?"
"Sure," replied Jesus. "What do I have to do?"
"Just find out about the people who arrive. Ask about their background, their family, and their lives. Then decide if they deserve entry into Heaven."
"Sounds easy enough. OK."
So Jesus waited at the gates while St. Peter went off on his The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man. Jesus summoned him to the examination table and sat across from him. Jesus peered at the old man and asked, "What was it you did for a The old man replied, "I was a Jesus remembered his own earthly existence and leaned forward. "Did you have any family?" he
"Yes, I had a son, but I lost him."
Jesus leaned forward some more. "You lost our son? Can you tell me about him?"
"Well, he had holes in his hands and feet."
Jesus leaned forward even more and whispered, "Father?"
The old man leaned forward and whispered, "Pinocchio?"
28 June 2011
21 June 2011
Haircut
A young man comes home and says "Dad, I've just passed my driving test and would like to use the family car."
Father replies, "O.K., son. But, first, you have to get good marks at school, keep your room tidy, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months and then we'll see."
Well, several months pass and the young man comes into the house with his report card in his hand. "Dad, I got great marks on my report card and I've been keeping my room as neat as a pin. How about letting me use the car?"
Father replies, "That's all true, but son you didn't cut your hair."
Son says, "But, dad, Jesus had long hair."
Father replies, "Yes, son, you're perfectly right. And he walked everywhere he went."
Father replies, "O.K., son. But, first, you have to get good marks at school, keep your room tidy, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months and then we'll see."
Well, several months pass and the young man comes into the house with his report card in his hand. "Dad, I got great marks on my report card and I've been keeping my room as neat as a pin. How about letting me use the car?"
Father replies, "That's all true, but son you didn't cut your hair."
Son says, "But, dad, Jesus had long hair."
Father replies, "Yes, son, you're perfectly right. And he walked everywhere he went."
14 June 2011
Prayer
The Pope comes to Glasgow and asks "Anyone who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."
With that, Brendon got in line, and when it was his turn, the Pope asked, "My son, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Brendon replied, "Your Holiness, I need you to pray for help with my hearing." The Pope put one finger of one hand in Brendon’s ear, placed his other hand on top of his head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a great prayer for Brendon, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the Pope removed his hands, stood back and
asked, "Brendon, how is your hearing now?"
Brendon answered, "Ah don't know. It's not till next week....."
With that, Brendon got in line, and when it was his turn, the Pope asked, "My son, what do you want me to pray about for you?"
Brendon replied, "Your Holiness, I need you to pray for help with my hearing." The Pope put one finger of one hand in Brendon’s ear, placed his other hand on top of his head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a great prayer for Brendon, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the Pope removed his hands, stood back and
asked, "Brendon, how is your hearing now?"
Brendon answered, "Ah don't know. It's not till next week....."
7 June 2011
George
Eighty-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said, "George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?"
George replied, "God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the lavatory (ping!) the light goes on when I pee, and then (ping!) the light goes off when I'm done."
"Wow," commented Dr. Smith, "that's incredible!"
A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife.
"Thelma," he said, "George is just fine. Physically he's great. But I had to call because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and (ping!) the light goes on in the lavatory, and then (ping!) the light goes off?"
Thelma exclaimed, "That old fool! He's peeing in the refrigerator again!"
George replied, "God and me are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so that when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the lavatory (ping!) the light goes on when I pee, and then (ping!) the light goes off when I'm done."
"Wow," commented Dr. Smith, "that's incredible!"
A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife.
"Thelma," he said, "George is just fine. Physically he's great. But I had to call because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and (ping!) the light goes on in the lavatory, and then (ping!) the light goes off?"
Thelma exclaimed, "That old fool! He's peeing in the refrigerator again!"
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