Shredder

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the managing director of the company standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen," said the managing director, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?"
 "Certainly," said the young executive.
He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
"Excellent, excellent!" said the managing director as his paper disappeared inside the machine.  "I just need one copy."

Fire

At a training session in the fire station, the team was assembled around the kitchen table.
The training officer was discussing the behaviour of fire: "You pull up to a house and notice puffs of smoke coming from the eaves, blackened out windows and little or no visible flame. What does this tell you?" he asked.
Expecting to hear that the house is in a possible back draft situation, a condition very dangerous to fire fighters, he instead heard from one quick wit,  "You've got the right place."

Supermarket

A woman in a supermarket has been walking behind a grandfather and his badly-behaved, 3-year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuit in the biscuit aisle, and for fruit, cereal and crisps in the other aisles.
Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, William, we won't be long, easy, boy."
Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say, "It's okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."
At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Granddad says again in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax mate, don't get
upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."
Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his shopping and the boy into the car. She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."
"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William ... the little brat's name is Kevin."

Stand up

A college professor met his new class on the first day of school. He stood before them and gave a nice introduction to the class and about himself.
 Upon completion of his monologue he looked around the room and asked his students "If any of you think you are stupid, stand up." As he looked around he saw that all of his students did not stand.
 He proceeded to ask the same question again, "If anyone thinks they are stupid to please stand up."
 The college professor looked around and to his surprise one tall student in the back of the room stood up. The professor asked, "Do you think you are stupid?"
 The first year student replied, "No, I just didn't want you to feel alone."