Train journey

A young Marine and his commanding officer board a train headed to a recruiting mission.  They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.
 After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young Marine are interested in each other because they are giving each other "looks."  Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of the smack of a kiss followed by the sound of the smack of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word.
 The grandmother is thinking to herself: "It was very brash for that young Marine to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him."
 The commanding officer is sitting there thinking:  "I didn't think the young Marine was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped and hit me!"
 The young woman was sitting and thinking:  "I'm glad the Marine kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!"
 The young Marine sat there with a satisfied smile on his face.  He thought to himself:  "Life is good.  When does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his commanding officer all at the same time?!"

Pizza

I used to have a job delivering pizza. Once I called on customers who sent their seven-year-old son to pay me. As he approached the glass door, I noticed he was carrying a cheque in one hand and two pound coins in the other, which I assumed was my tip.
 To my dismay, he pocketed the coins before handing me the cheque, which was for the exact cost of the pizza.
 "Could that have been a tip?" I asked, trying not to sound accusatory.
 "Yep," he replied proudly. "not bad for just a walk from the living room and back!"

Bunny

A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit.
The basket of eggs went flying all over the place. Candy, too.
The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful Bunny was dead.
The driver felt guilty and began to cry.
A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over.
She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed it. There may not be an Easter for the children because me. What should I do? "
The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do.
She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead Bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the little furry animal.
Miraculously the Easter Bunny came to back life, jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road.
Fifty yards away the Easter Bunny stopped, turned around, waved and hopped on down the road. Then in another 50 yards, he turned, waved hopped and did it again in another 50 yards!
The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what could possibly be in that woman's spray can.
He said to the woman, "What in heaven's name is in your spray can? What was it that you sprayed on the Easter Bunny?"
The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label.
It said: "Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave."

Moses

George W. Bush saw Moses at the grocery store and said, "Hey, aren't
you Moses?"
Moses said nothing just kept on shopping.
A few aisles over W ran into Moses again, and said "Hey, aren't you
Moses?" Again Moses said nothing.
A few aisles over again George saw Moses and said, "I just KNOW you're Moses!"
This time Moses replied, "Hey, the last time I talked to a Bush, I
ended up in the wilderness for 40 years!"