There's a man on a Scottish train he's going from Stranraer to Glasgow, but he's very tired after overdoing it the night before in the pub, and spends much of the journey nodding off.
After some time, he wakes up with a jolt and feels a little disoriented.
He asks one of the two old ladies who are sharing the compartment with him: "Do you know if I've passed Ayr yet ?"
To which the more prudish looking one, replied quite curtly in her accusing Scots whine: "Two or three times young man, but we opened the compartment window."
26 February 2013
19 February 2013
Dinner party
A fellow hosted a dinner party for people from work and everyone was encouraged to bring their children.
All during dinner one colleague's tiny daughter stared at the man sitting across from her.
The girl could hardly eat her food from staring.
The man checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted his hair in place, but nothing stopped her staring. He tried his best to just ignore her but finally it was too much for him. He asked her, "Sweetie, why are you staring at me?"
The table went quiet for her response.
The little girl said, "I just want to see how you drink like a fish!"
All during dinner one colleague's tiny daughter stared at the man sitting across from her.
The girl could hardly eat her food from staring.
The man checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted his hair in place, but nothing stopped her staring. He tried his best to just ignore her but finally it was too much for him. He asked her, "Sweetie, why are you staring at me?"
The table went quiet for her response.
The little girl said, "I just want to see how you drink like a fish!"
12 February 2013
Truck driver
A truck driver stopped at a roadside dinner for lunch. He ordered a cheeseburger, coffee, and a slice of apple pie.
As he was about to eat, three motorcycles pulled up outside. The bikers came in, and one grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down the apple pie.
The truck driver didn't say a word. He simply got up, paid the cashier, and left.
When he was gone, one of the motorcyclists said, "He ain't much of a man, is he?"
"He's not much of a driver, either," the cashier replied, "He just backed his truck over three motorcycles."
As he was about to eat, three motorcycles pulled up outside. The bikers came in, and one grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down the apple pie.
The truck driver didn't say a word. He simply got up, paid the cashier, and left.
When he was gone, one of the motorcyclists said, "He ain't much of a man, is he?"
"He's not much of a driver, either," the cashier replied, "He just backed his truck over three motorcycles."
5 February 2013
The barn
A politician and two friends - a rabbi and a Hindu holy man - had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer.
The farmer said, "There might be a problem; you see, I only have room for two to sleep, so one of you must sleep in the barn."
"No problem," chimed the rabbi. "My people wandered in the desert for forty years. I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening."
With that, he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night.
Moments later, a knock was heard at the door, and the farmer opened it. There stood the rabbi from the barn.
"What's wrong?" asked the farmer.
He replied, "I'm grateful to you, but I can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn, and my faith believes that is an unclean animal."
His Hindu friend agreed to swap places with him. But a few minutes later, the same scene recurred. There was a knock on the door.
"What's wrong now?" the farmer asked.
The Hindu holy man replied, "I too am grateful for your helping us out, but there is a cow in the barn, and in my country cows are considered sacred. I can't sleep on holy ground!"
Well, that left only the politician to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but he went out to the barn.
Moments later, there was another knock on the farmer's door.
Frustrated and tired, the farmer opened the door, and there stood the pig and the cow.
The farmer said, "There might be a problem; you see, I only have room for two to sleep, so one of you must sleep in the barn."
"No problem," chimed the rabbi. "My people wandered in the desert for forty years. I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening."
With that, he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night.
Moments later, a knock was heard at the door, and the farmer opened it. There stood the rabbi from the barn.
"What's wrong?" asked the farmer.
He replied, "I'm grateful to you, but I can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn, and my faith believes that is an unclean animal."
His Hindu friend agreed to swap places with him. But a few minutes later, the same scene recurred. There was a knock on the door.
"What's wrong now?" the farmer asked.
The Hindu holy man replied, "I too am grateful for your helping us out, but there is a cow in the barn, and in my country cows are considered sacred. I can't sleep on holy ground!"
Well, that left only the politician to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but he went out to the barn.
Moments later, there was another knock on the farmer's door.
Frustrated and tired, the farmer opened the door, and there stood the pig and the cow.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)