Stones

Jesus is preaching to a crowd who have been threatening to stone a woman for adultery.
He says, "Let whoever is without sin cast the first stone!"
An old lady pushes through the crowd, picks up a nice sharp rock and hurls it. Everyone follows suit and the adulteress is killed.
Once the crowd has dispersed, Jesus turns to the old lady and says, "Mum, you must stop doing that"

Buliding site

An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese man were hired at a building site. The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian, "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Irishman he says, "You're in charge of shovelling." To the Chinese man he says, "You're in charge of supplies." He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a while. I expect the pile to be gone when I'm back."
But when the foreman  returns the sand is untouched. He asks the Irishman why he didn't shovel. "I couldn't get meself no shovel. You left the Chinese fella in charge of supplies, but I couldn't find him nowhere." He says to the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" "I no gotta no broom an' I no finda no Chinaman."
The foreman gets really angry and storms off looking for the Chinese guy. He can't find him anywhere until the Chinese guy jumps out from behind the pile of sand and yells, "Supplies!"

Nun in a taxi

A taxi driver picks up a nun. She gets into the taxi, and he won't stop  staring at her. He says, "I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you."
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. After my experiences, I'm sure  that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds, "Well, as long as you are single and a Catholic, then I will kiss you." The taxi driver says, "Yes, I'm single and a Catholic!"
"OK," she says. "Pull over." The nun plants a kiss on the taxi driver, who then starts crying. "My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"
"Forgive me, but I've sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm going to a fancy dress party."

Lottery

Hugh is in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial straits. He decides to ask God for help. "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money soon, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please, let me win the lottery." Lottery night comes and somebody else wins the top prize. Hugh prays again, "God, please let me win the lottery. I've lost my business, my house and now I'm going to lose my car as well!" Lottery night comes  and Hugh still has no luck. "Dear God! I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Please, let me win the lottery this one time so I can get my life back in order." Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light. Hugh is confronted by the voice of God himself. "Hugh, my son, just meet me halfway on this one. Buy a ticket!"